11 years ago today, we made the decision to turn off Daddy’s machines and slowly watched him slip away. I can remember being in the room alone when all of the alarms started going off. My mom returned to the room just as the nurses rushed in. They silenced the alarms, and my mom and I held Daddy’s hands as he slowly slipped into eternity. My brother couldn’t be in the room. At 16 years old, he was having a hard time accepting what was going on. He said that he couldn’t be in the room because he didn’t want his last memories of Daddy to be of him looking like that. While I understood, part of me felt like I had to be in there. Almost like it wasn’t going to feel real unless I saw it with my own eyes – not that I wanted it to be real. I wanted to open my eyes and have it all just be a really horrible dream. I wanted nothing more than to see my Daddy get up and come home with us.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand why God allows certain situations to happen. Last night in my VBS class, I asked the kids what kind of challenges they were facing in their lives. As they poured out their sweet little hearts to me, I wanted to cry. These kids are all facing some really tough issues. Cheyenne is in my class – dealing with a mom who has cancer, and herself recovering from a very bad burn incident. Another young man whose mom has seizures all the time. These kids are hurting so deeply, and I know just how they feel inside. You just want to take the hurt away. But we can’t. We have to keep trusting God to bring us through the tough times.
Our lesson last night was on Abraham. We all know that God told Abraham to offer up his son Isaac as a sacrifice. Never once did Abraham doubt or question God. He knew that God had promised great things to happen through Isaac, and if he had to sacrifice him, he knew that God would raise him from the dead. Did you read that? He knew. He didn’t guess. He simply trusted God to fulfill His promise. (If you don’t know the story, Abraham didn’t sacrifice Isaac. A voice told him to stop, and a ram was offered up instead.)
I want faith like Abraham. I want to keep the doubt, worries, and “what ifs” away. I want to always remember that God has a perfect promise for each one of us, and He will see us through.
It’s been 11 years, but it still feels like yesterday. At least I have the assurance of knowing that I will see Daddy again one day.
I miss you, Daddy. I hope you get the chance to look down on us every now and then, and I hope you’d be proud. You were an amazing example, and I’m glad I got the time with you that I did. Thank you for teaching me about Jesus, and giving me Hope of eternal salvation. I’ll always be your little girl. I love you.
A note about the photos in this post: On the day that Gene and I were married, one request I had of our photographers was to go to Daddy’s grave so that I could place a flower on it. The photos were taken while walking to Daddy’s grave and as I lay the flower there. Daddy never got to meet Gene, and it was so important for me to have my Daddy as a part of our wedding. I am so glad that I did this and that I will have the photos to treasure forever.