to realize that I really do love breastfeeding.
I nursed Zander until he was 15 months old. At the time, I was tandem nursing both him and Jace, and it was a lot to deal with. Zander weaned himself when Jace was a little less than a month old. Jace developed a severe allergy to my milk, so I had to stop nursing him when he was around 5 months old.
With Lucy, I nursed her until she was between 4 and 6 months old. I can’t exactly remember. I had PPD really bad after Lucy was born, and I hated nursing in public. I was tired of going to the van to nurse her all the time, and I was tired of people walking in on me when I went to nurse her in another room in our church somewhere. That, and people were SO anti-nursing in public. The comments, stares, and looks were just too much for me to handle. It may have just been the PPD, but I stopped nursing her way before I really should have. I regret now not trying to push through and nurse her longer.
Because we now live in the boonies, and really have nowhere to go, AND the fact that Parker will not take a bottle, I haven’t had much choice but to breastfeed. As he was nursing today, it hit me. I really, really like this. I like knowing that I am the one providing him his daily nourishment. I like the bond that I feel with him. I am sad, though, that he will be the last baby I ever nurse, and plan to nurse him for as long as I can.
I can’t believe it took me this long – and this many kids! – to realize just how much I love this.
No, I don’t ever get a break, but in the long run, it will all be worth it. I’m sure of it.
(And please don’t think this post is against formula feeding mothers. Not at all. My oldest was ONLY formula fed, and all of my other kids have been on formula at some point in their lives. I have absolutely nothing against it at all.)