Mommy Guilt Takes Over

For days, the mommy guilt has been eating away at me. I feel the need to confess, since they say “Confession is good for the soul.”

A few weeks ago, a parenting magazine came in the mail. I remember seeing an article in there about a mom who had wanted her baby-to-be to be the opposite gender. I didn’t read the article, because I was certain I would never be that mother.

We went to our doctor’s visit last week, and all was going well at first. The first 10 minutes of the ultrasound, baby looked perfect. And it looked like a girl. There was no sign of the “turtle” trademark, and life was good. And then it happened. It appeared. As if from nowhere, there was that turtle. The one I had prayed and prayed not to find.

My heart sunk. Instead of rejoicing that the baby was healthy, I was heartbroken that it wasn’t a girl.

Shame on me.

My husband had been in the room with me, and he kept glancing at my face during the ultrasound. I knew he was looking for some kind of reaction, but I lay there with a blank look on my face. When we walked out to the car, he grabbed my hand and asked if I was ok.

That was all it took. The tears started flowing, and I couldn’t control them. I wasn’t ok. I wanted a girl. I was sure it was a girl. How could I have been so wrong?

Then, my thoughts switched to, “Oh my gosh. How horrible of a mother am I?” The guilt ate away at me, and I cried harder.

We went back to my MIL’s house to pick up Jace, Lucy, and Parker. When we told the kids that it looked like we’d be having another boy, Jace jumped for joy. Lucy, however, got angry at me, and ran to her Daddy’s lap. She wouldn’t talk to me for the longest time. At one point, she was crying, I was crying… it was just a mess.

I pulled out the ultrasound pictures and showed Lucy the shots of her new baby brother to be. I told her that I was still going to need her help with the new baby, and that he was going to need us to love him and take care of him. We talked about ways she can help care for him, and it wasn’t long before she’d renamed all of her baby dolls the same name as her baby brother to be, and she telling everyone she met that she was going to have a new baby brother to love.

It didn’t take me long to become excited about a new baby boy, either. Baby boys love their mamas like nothing else. They are sweet and just adorable. Plus, since Parker’s only 2 and he’s still so little, hand me downs will be perfect! I have so much to be thankful for – starting with the fact that our new little man looks so great on the ultrasound screen.

But for one fleeting moment, I was the worst mother in the world. I know I need to move past it, but I hate that that was my first reaction. I can never get that moment back, and I can only hope that God will forgive me for my behavior that day.

I wish I hadn’t been so quick to throw out that magazine. I sure would like to go back and read what that author had to say about the situation and how she let go of the guilt… if she ever did.

Have you ever been disappointed by the results of your ultrasound? What was your reaction? How did you get over it? I would love to hear your story… if you feel like confessing!

Angie Vinez (2872 Posts)

Angie is a wife and mother to 8. Her life revolves around cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household duties. She is passionate about her life in Christ and wants to encourage other mothers in their own walk of faith. Angie is active on many social media networks, loves technology, photography, and graphic design, and loves creating blog designs for other mom bloggers.



Comments

  1. 1

    Um yeah, no one ever really talks about this but so many mommies feel it. You're not alone, and I don't think it makes you a bad mommy at all! Just human. 🙂

    I really really wanted another girl, I was sure this baby would be a girl because I grew up with one sister – I know girls but NOTHING about boys. I could see my daughter Emma with a sister but couldn't really envision a brother, how that would work out. I thought little boys were gross growing up and it hasn't really worn off in 20 years I guess, LOL. I had pretty much the EXACT same experience in the ultrasound room, I was in shock and kept my face blank, tried to reason with myself. Ever since I got pregnant, when people would ask me what I wanted (why do they do that?) I would answer, "Oh, it doesn't matter to me at all." but I guess I was lying because I could picture it all with a little girl. Walking out of the ultrasound room I was in total shock and couldn't talk really, I was just trying to take it all in.

    What made it easier was having my husband be sooo delighted he's having a son. And I also have a friend who just had a little boy that I get to see often and he is a total angel. I LOVE that baby boy! And I know that God has a plan for my life and it included me having a little girl and a little boy, maybe Emma will need that brotherly support.

    Don't forget that… we're pregnant and hormonal already, too. lol Definitely don't beat yourself up – you know you're going to love that little boy just like his siblings. 🙂 That's what matters.

  2. 2
    WeeMasonMan's Mom says:

    I read that article. It said those feelings are normal, common, and nothing but normal normal normal. And the only time you should really worry about them is when you cannot move past them and nothing you can do can make you excited now that you know the news. It sounds like you're gonna be okay!!

  3. 3
    Busy Working Mama says:

    Aww, honey don't be sad 🙁 I was ecstatic to have a girl and my husband was clearly disappointed. He was morose for days and days till I started to get a little annoyed. I think he thought he would only be able to interact with a boy and then he realized he can do lots of fun things with girls – collect bugs, work on household projects, play silly games and more. Now that our daughter is here he wouldn't trade her for anything.

    Be well!

  4. 4
    Owen's Mom says:

    I was so excited to be pregnant for the first time. But, I panicked when I found out it was a boy. What did I know about boys? What would I do with a little boy? Was he going to pee all over me all the time? I cried …. yeah, I got over it the moment he was born. I adore my son and now have a daughter. I completely understand your guilt though. But, as others have said it isn't uncommon.

  5. 5

    My first was a boy and that was what I wanted, so I was really excited. We waited 7 years to have our second and I wanted a GIRL! I wanted a girl so bad. Well during the ultrasound I found out it was a boy. I started crying. Silent tears that just ran down my cheeks. Now he is 4 and so adorable. I couldn't imagine it any other way. When we had our 3rd child who was born just 2 years after our second, I really didn't care which way it went. I think I was determined not to react the way I did with the second baby. I thought it would be nice for it to be another boy since they would be so close in age. Well wouldn't you know our third was a boy too. So now I have 3 boys and no girls. We are going to have one more, and I am hoping for a girl with every ounce of my being. I am afraid if it's a boy again I will once again break down in tears. I feel bad about my reaction, but I have gotten over the guilt of it. I know you will too.
    Congratulations on your healthy baby boy!!
    ~Lona

  6. 6
    Donna Perugini says:

    I'm so glad the baby looks like he's in great shape!

    And about God forgiving you…He already did. No hoping, just accepting.

    Hooray! A healthy baby!!!

  7. 7
    Susan M. Heim says:

    I had two boys when I became pregnant with twins. Surely, I told myself, at least one of them would be a girl! I always wanted a little girl. But, no, both twins turned out to be boys, too! I decided to find out the twins' gender before they were born because I knew I would feel some disappointment if neither was a girl, and I wanted to have a chance to get excited about having boys again before they were born. Naturally, I adore my twin boys like crazy and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I'll still always be a little sad that I never got the girl. (I'm done child-bearing now.) I tell myself that God knew what he was doing by giving me boys because they can be very protective of their moms. If I have a granddaughter one day, though, I'm sure I'll spoil her rotten!

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  1. […] us a girl on the screen. Then, there it was: the “package.” Definitely not a girl. As sad as I was that Gage wasn’t a girl, I wouldn’t trade him in for 10 girls. He is my sunshine, and I am so thankful God gave me […]

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