This has not been my day.

I lost my meds. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have torn this house apart and cannot find the medicine that I am currently taking for PPD. I started looking for them this morning, and now, here it is, after 11 pm, and I still can’t find them. I have been in tears over this. I have gotten angry, frustrated, and my emotions are raging. I’m right back to that horrible woman I was just a few weeks ago.

I’m realizing today just how much the medicine helps the post partum depression.
So, how does one lose an entire bottle of pills? My insurance ran out at the end of last year. At the end of December, I filled 2 prescriptions for the post partum depression medicine that I’m on, so that I would have enough to cover me for 2 months. I started taking one of the Rx’s, and thought I put the other bottle in the medicine cabinet for when the first Rx ran out.
Only, when I went to the cabinet to get the second Rx bottle today, it wasn’t there. I pulled absolutely everything out of the cabinet, and it still wasn’t there. I searched the bathrooms, every kitchen cupboard, every bathroom cupboard, and I can’t find it. I don’t have the money to go and get the prescription refilled right now. Hubby gets paid next Wednesday, and that’s the first chance I’ll have to go get it. That means I have to make it a full week without any medication whatsoever.
I’m in tears just thinking about this. I had been doing so well lately. I am finally not yelling all the time, I’m not crying all the time, and I’m much more calm than I’ve been in months. If today is any indication of how the next week is going to go, I may just lock myself in my room and not come out for a week. And, of course, it HAS to be 3 days from Valentine’s Day. I’m so sure my husband is going to want to be with a wigged-out crazy woman suffering from ppd.
I am praying that somehow this bottle of pills just magically appears, and SOON. I need to be able to make it through the next week. I’ve heard that you have to wean off of Zoloft. If I’m forced to cut cold turkey, what could happen?
I have got to find those pills. Or I’ve got to figure out how to control this post partum depression on my own. But, honestly, is that even possible? It’s going to take a LOT of prayer. I may be on my knees for the next week straight.

Please pray that I find them. I know that they are here somewhere. I just have to figure out where. Not a good time for Momnesia to set in.

And, not only did I lose my meds, Parker got his first injury today. I was sitting on the floor in the living room, listening to Zander read. I had Parker on his play mat in the dining room (where it always is). Lulu was playing in her kitchen set. When she opened the door to the fridge, it broke and landed right on top of Parker. He has a small bruise, but is otherwise just fine. I just feel horrible that I couldn’t get there fast enough to prevent it from happening.

I have been mean to my husband today, and mean to my kids. I hate the person that I’ve been today and this is just ONE DAY without the meds. I need tomorrow to be a better day. Please, Lord. I’m begging.

Angie Vinez (2894 Posts)

Angie is a wife and mother to 8. Her life revolves around cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household duties. She is passionate about her life in Christ and wants to encourage other mothers in their own walk of faith. Angie is active on many social media networks, loves technology, photography, and graphic design, and loves creating blog designs for other mom bloggers.



Comments

  1. 1
    RazzberryMomma says:

    Ok, so I’m officially convinced that we are living identical lives, miles apart! I don’t have PPD, but I have pretty serious depression. Every symptom you just described is basically how i am 24/7 lately. Due to unforeseeable circumstances we don’t have medical insurance right now and I can’t get meds to treat it. I TOTALLY understand every word of what you just said.
    I’m so sorry you can’t find the pills. I’m so sorry today was such a difficult day for you! I understand how hard it is to watch yourself become a person you don’t want to be and feel helpless to stop or prevent it.
    Tons of positive thoughts and prayers are headed your way. I hope you are able to find them soon.
    I’m here if you need to talk. Seem we have more than I thought in common.
    ~Christina

  2. 2
    A little piece of 7th heaven says:

    Hi Angie,
    I am praying for you to find your meds..Sorry you had such a rough day.
    St. Anthony, St. Anthony.
    please come around..
    Angie has lost her meds..
    and they must be found..

    I know that might seem silly, but it REALLY helps around here.

    Annmarie

  3. 3
    Tilly's Bowtique says:

    CALL YOUR DOCTOR!!! Usually doctors have samples of these sorts of meds. If you can fill the prescription again next week he may be able to give you enough samples to carry you over. Trust me, it can be a REALLY bad idea to miss several days of this sort of meds. Keep your DH involved so he can keep an eye on your emotions and support you while you’re without the balance your body needs. Seriously, if you notice this major of a difference with only one day missed (and YES that is long enough to notice a difference!) you really should not go any longer without. Please call your doctor! Beg if you have to!!!!
    Good luck!

  4. 4
    Suzi Homemaker says:

    Angie – Yes–call your doctor or your pharmacist. Explain what happened and they should be able to give you enough pills to tide you over until Wednesday. You do not want to go almost a week without taking Zoloft and your doctor won’t want you to, either. When I was taking it, I noticed in a day if I missed a dosage. As far as Parker goes–if he’s gone this long without an injury in a house with five kids then you are doing AWESOME! He is fine. Accidents happen. Take a deep breath, hug your kids, call your doctor and have a better day today! Hugs!

  5. 5

    I agree with the others- CALL the doc, and see if they have samples. You’re sure to find it by the time the samples run out.

  6. 6
    Kim @ What's That Smell says:

    Angie, I’m so sorry you lost your medicine. I will pray for you that you find it.

    Take care.

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